ATTN: LATE-NIGHT HAMBURG-SERVING INFIDELS.

Please to be remaining open on holidays to satiate my desires.

That's it, I'm going to have to switch to the Old Calendar. Yesterday, after vespers, I was like, "After the midnight liturgy, it would be nice to go home, kick back, and have a beer," so I went to Hy-Vee and it turned out they closed at 5. That was fine by me, really, since there was some beer left at home and it's not really such a big deal. I'm no alcoholic, but, you know, if you're in a nihilistic mood, you smoke a cigarette, if you kick back, you drink a beer, if you have a kid, you smoke a cigar, if you rock out, you eat a sausage. etc. It's a symbolic act proper to the moment. I knew one store was still open, but it only sold like Budweiser and I wanted something good, like, brewed by monks or something, and it wasn't a big enough deal to me to take such a hit in quality. Anyways, I also had a craving for some greasy meat for after the midnight liturgy, but there was a potluck after and I figured there'd be some greasy meat or something.

I was quite wrong. There wasn't any greasy meat at the potluck [snap!]. So, I thought I'd catch a hamburg on the way home at like one of the many restaurants open 24 hours per diem, but I thought wrong again. They were, of course, all closed, it being 2am Christmas morning. And when I got home, my parents had finished all the beer [there had been only like 2 bottles left].

I came to the realization that, if I were on the Old Calendar, I would not be having this problem. Sure, I'd have to deal with the Advent fast while everybody else is having Christmas, but nobody is going to close for January 6-7 to prevent me from obtaining beer and late-night meat.

So I spent all night tattooing a teardrop on my cheek with a safety pin.

ATTN: PARENTAL-UNIT INFIDELS.

Please to be avoiding travel plans to visit the grandparental units involving leaving Sunday morning. Some of us have things to do, places to be, obligations to fulfill.

4 weeks, 4 days.