ATTN: SEMIOFFICIAL CORRESPONDENCE INFIDELS.

If you desire to shorten my name, do it correctly. If you can't do that correctly, as you have demonstrated on a variety of occasions [including occasions for public display], please to be spelling out my full name or addressing me as MR. THOMPSON. I don't know where or how you picked up this misspelling of a "nick-name", but I demand that this nonsense stop immediately. I demanded it stop immediately the first time it happened. It took several electrical mails to get the point across the first time, but it apparently did not work.

ATTN: HIRELING INFIDELS. If I am hiring you to do a service, you will address me as MR. THOMPSON. Yes, lawyers, barbers, and doctors are all in the service industry.

ATTN: INVITED INFIDELS. [First, don't worry, I'm not inviting anybody anywhere, you're not being left out.] The only recognized social units are individual, engaged couple, and married couple. You may not bring a guest unless I haven't been informed of your engagement or marriage.

Further ranting: it's not that hard to spell any of my names, but there are a couple common mistakes. The one referred to above is not one of them. The misspelling they did was so horribly atypical that it cannot be comprehended. Nobody in the entire world spells it that way.

Why oh why did I ask that girl to marry me?